Sweet Addiction
by smiles2go
Summary: Hatters thoughts after meeting Alice


Adoration. Affection. Aggressiveness. Amazement. Anger. Annoyance. Anticipation. Anxiety. Astonishment. Attraction. Awe. Bitterness. Bliss. Caring. Compassion. Contempt. Curiosity. Delight. Desire. Despair. Defeat. Determination. Disappointment. Disgust. Ecstasy. Empathy. Embarrassment. Envy. Euphoria. Faith. Fear. Fondness. Frustration. Gratitude. Grief. Guilt. Happiness. Hatred. Hope. Horror. Hostility. Hysteria. Infatuation. Interest. Irritation. Jealousy. Joy. Loathing. Longing. Love. Lust. Misery. Optimism. Outrage. Panic. Passion. Pity. Pleasure. Pride. Rage. Regret. Relief. Remorse. Resentment. Sadness. Satisfaction. Scorn. Shame. Shock. Sorrow. Spite. Submission. Suffering. Surprise. Tenderness. Terror. Triumph. Trust. Wonder. Worry.

Just names on bottles of Tea yesterday. Some I'd tried, some not.

They ran thru Alice like water over rocks. Sometimes one at a time, sometimes many at once. But never, ever none at all.

And when I touched her, I could feel them too. That first time, looking at the Suits brand on her arm, burned clear to my soul. I couldn't let go, she had to jerk her arm away. If I'd thought about it, if I'd known, I would have guessed Fear, Hysteria, one of those. Not Determination, Curiosity, and maybe a little Guilt.

I had to touch her again just to see if it was real, if I'd been dreaming. After all, I'd never touched an Oyster before. Never knew anyone who had. Needed to get rid of Ratty and try it again. She was still babbling on about some guy. Jack somebody.

Wait. Ratty touched her. Wrapped her arm in his filthy handkerchief. He didn't look any different, took the Excitement and ran. Hmmmm. …maybe it was the gloves, only his fingertips were bare. I forced myself to touch Ratty just to make sure it wasn't something wrong with me. A brain fever or something.

Put some distance between us to think this over. Did I want to touch her again? What would happen? Got close and then backed off. Nothing. Sat down facing away from her to drink the rest of the breakfast Tea on my desk. My private blend. For the first time it had no effect. I couldn't even remember what emotions were in it. Most importantly, it didn't wipe out her touch still burning in my mind, burning my soul.

Couldn't let this interfere with business. There would be plenty of time to test this on the way to Dodo's.

At the bottom of the ladder I put both hands up to help her down the last couple rungs. She slid into my arms and kept her hands on my shoulders for a second too long. I stepped back in shock and straightened my coat. Wow. Gratitude and …something else I couldn't define. That was new. For the first time I began to understand why people became addicted to Tea. I could become addicted to this.

And then she shrank back and grabbed at the ladder. Could see the Fear, didn't need to touch her for that. I held out my hand anyway and she took it. Just reached out and took it. Panic. Terror. And then when I said her name, she stepped forward looking into my eyes. And slowly she walked, not looking away from me. Fear became Trust. Wonder. Hope. Could she feel me shaking? Could she see I was lost?

Business, must concentrate on business. Profit. With no Oysters there would be no Tea and although profit would go up on remaining Tea, would it be enough to tide me over till more Oysters were brought over?

Didn't dare touch her in Dodo's office. Things had gone wrong quickly. Couldn't afford to be distracted. And yet, Dodo touched her hand. Twice. Did his outrage over the ring outweigh anything he felt from touching Alice? What was I thinking, stepping between her and the gun? Ha. Getting shot did overpower her touch. Temporarily. She had to save me in the end. That's when I gave up and let it happen. Can you believe she came back for me and tossed Dodo around like he was a feather?

Boyfriend or no boyfriend, I couldn't abandon her. Couldn't stop touching her. Like a moth to the flame I fell.

Never once did she push me away. Touched me too. Did she feel it? How could she and still be so stubborn about Jack. Or was it different with Jack. Do all Oysters feel this when they touch each other?

Didn't take long before I didn't even think about anymore, like breathing, just did it.

Noticed Jack was careful not to touch her in the forest. She didn't touch him either, come to think of it. Might have killed him then. Thought about it. Wanted to. Know just how his face would feel smashed under my fist. But he could keep her safe. Find her father. Send her home. None of those things could I do for her. No wonder he was willing to lie, cheat and steal to have her.

When she threw herself in my arms in the casino, I thought my heart would burst. Just like I warned Ratty.

Charlie touched her more than once. And probably some Suits. But Charlie is already 'touched'. Must be something wrong with me. Some insane way she has affected me.

Addicted? Definitely.

Cured? Not if I can help it.


End file.
